bad week, turns worse.

So, I've had a bad bad week. I've made a decision to try to leave my job for a new one, and the opportunity is to try to find one I want, not just another job to get away from the current one.  So that has been uncomfortable, things at work are difficult and I always feel as if I am skulking around now.  I have to go back for a day tomorro, and I am not looking forward to it at all.  In fact, it's more like dread. 

Had a nice day with P yesterday, but a terrible one today, in fact we broke up.  We went running again today but P likes to run at noon, which here in NC means that it's usually 90 degrees.  we took the dog, who also had a hard time keeping up.  When we got back I hopped right into the shower all the while thinking not very complimentary thoughts about him.  I cooled off a little, but to be honest, I was still very annoyed at him.  Last week, he took me on an impossible hill run, this week, the weather….

then all of a sudden I saw this look cross his face, you know, that look….and I knew it was well over.  He did a lot of song and dance about how sorry he was for this and that, but you know all I could think of was how i wasted my entire weekend. P. feels that there should be some sort of  'chemical reaction' or "spark" and he never really felt it, but he kept taking me out, etc etc etc anyway, essentially because he felt like it and it didn't seem to bother him that he was actually sort of leading me on.   He then said "I still want to help you reach your goals…." at which point I just looked at him and explained that I don't need any help.  I do need help, but not really from him.  He really needs people to motivate him, and he likes to work out with others, I on the other hand, like to pretty much do it myself, and talk about it later with others.  Anyway. 

There are some good things.   I do not have to go to the Swing Dance that I didn't want to go to tonight, I can now choose some different races to run in the upcoming months, I was never too hip about the rock and roll half as if was. I can say I'm hoping I can still run the Tower of Terror 13K with Julio in October.  I wanted to do that so much and P kept saying no….so now, I can do what I please.

In a way I'm glad this is over.  P was a nice person and I really enjoyed spending time with him, but he had some OCD problems and sort of tried my patience some of the time. Not so sure what to do about the Race for the Cure though.  I am on his company team.  I want to run just because it would be good, and I've raised 295.00 so far and will probably raise some more.  But I don't want to deal with his patronizing way of trying to be nice to me after he was a total jerk.  I'm not really a "lets be friends" type.  I don't know why.  But I do know one thing….He's given me a nice nice motivation to get faster and kick his behind because there will be several races that we both enter knowingly or not 😉

So on top of this and the job, my trainer/coach is going off to Grad School next week.  He and I have been pretty good friends, and I did so enjoy having such a massive high schoolish like crush on him…and I am not so sure I can handle a new trainer.  It will most likely be the tall dude named I think Jeremy or something like that.  He's an excellent trainer.   

  I have to say, I do wish intensely that just one thing would go right.  It would help me right now. 

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18 thoughts on “bad week, turns worse.

  1. What a crappy end to a crappy week. I wish that there was something that I could do to help, but all I have are words.The good thing is that you can focus on what you want and what you need without having to worry about someone else right now or subsuming your needs to another person.You've been able to raise a good chunk of money from your friends, which is quite an achievement and you exceeded your original goal too. That sort of energy and good will can translate to the rest of your life as well. There is a lot of positive energy and and love that floes to you, so just accept it and know that people will help you whenever they can.

  2. in fact we broke up
    I was sorry to read this. Your entry's tone, though, hints that you're somewhat grateful. Could you see this coming?
    You seem like a tough competitor…I expect that you'll be back in the dating game shortly.

  3. Thanks NYC…

    Not very tough, I rarely date, so this was out of character for me, and it's unlikely I'll be dating again soon.
    But I will be able to train at an appropriate pace without anyone attempting to "help me" by insisting that I run in 90 degree heat….crazy.
    Hopefully something will work out with my job soon too, because right now it feels as if I'm jogging in quicksand.
    But I hope that I can run with Julio, because I really wanted to before, and couldn't because of P.

  4. I hope that things start to turn around for you soon. Hopefully that job lead will turn into something good. Your hand has improved and practically back to normal so not all is lost. ;)I'm sorry you feel like wasted time with P. But I guess it's better that the breakup happened now rather than months from now.

  5. I bet you'll kick his butt in a race sooner or later. When your leg was hurt, the way you talked about running it seemed that you truly enjoy running for its own sake. I got the impression from your P. stories that he had something to prove? You have enough of your own motivation that you'll always be getting faster. The rest of the stuff, you can use this as an analogy. 🙂

  6. oh, I'm so sorry! that's awful and just stress upon stress, but I'm at least glad he finally came clean about what he was feeling so he didn't keep essentially lying. I mean, what a waste of your time … but what good motivation to kick his ass later.

  7. P had planned out a year's worth of races and that one didn't fit into his plan. He didn't want to go, and when I said I'd do it without him, he got a little suspicious about Julio, my Internet friend, here on vox. soooooo.

  8. Amanda, My hand really is good, and Teulu is doing so so well after neutering, all is not lost. If I an get the job settled, I think I'll be feeling a lot better. And then nail those miles….

  9. Andrew
    thanks. P did have something to prove, and all I usually like to do is run, though I can be very competitive…I'm actually looking forward to doing tuesdays run, at an appropriate time of the morning here in NC at an appropriate pace for me…..
    at least P got the Garmin working stellarly before this happened….there were huge driver problems with my computer and he fixed them so I'm grateful for that.

  10. Sorry about your bad week. But it does sound like the breaking up thing might have been for the better. Hope this week is a good one!

  11. Wow, girl! I'm so sorry I haven't been around to hear what's all been up. I've been wondering about the P thing because I was hearing that "tone" in your voice too. It seemed to me that everything was going "good" but you didn't sound like you had that real "connection" with him either. I was a little worried about that. I've been there before ( where I felt like I was settling because there really didn't seem to be anyone "better"). I know you can do this on your own. You don't need him to "motivate" you. What a joke! I still am trying to understand why he was trying to torture you in the 90 degree heat though. I guess he was just trying to get you to break up with him? Either way, no matter what the reason, I'm gald you have such a good, strong outlook on everything (but I know it hurts just a little). (((hugs)))

  12. Thanks Shellackers (and everyone else!) It does hurt, mostly in that he could have been a good friend, but instead he made this charade of a relationship.
    But I'm an adult, I can deal with it. My only sadness is that I'll be doing the Marathon with no one to cheer me. And thats a long 26 miles.

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