Yesterday was one of my worst days in recent times. 

I had an appointment with the Doctor,  then an hour later I had an appointment with the Nutritionist.  Then in 2 hours, I had time with the trainer. 

I had a complete meltdown in the Doctors office.  I sort of opened up a can of worms, then tried to shut it, which of course was not going to happen.  So I got to be really upset about that can of worms. Boy when you open something up, it's just open until its resolved, so it's remaining as a yukky thing to deal with. 

Then I went on to the Nutritionist, and found my intake was still low.  Seems a snack is not just a snack, its a carb (fruit/veggie/grain) and a protien (Peanut butter/egg/meat) So that made things low.  I know I was in her office, but I was so exhausted from the Doctor I have no idea what we talked about. 

Then I went to the trainer.  I ran one mile on the treadmill, and was tired.  training session was difficult.  She knew I was upset, and she had this intern with her.  I was very very annoyed at having a stranger observe my session, so i just essentially ignored her and just talked to the trainer about the session and didn't worry about the intern who I think heard more than she expected.  I was exhausted.  Trainer was good.  She is a funny person.  She doesn't seem to be too "deep" of a person, but then she has this quiet way of letting me know she gets the full picture of the situation. 

my friend that I can talk to about this still doesn't get it. But she is learning to avoid discussion of eating or training, and just to be friendly.

So, I did tell Dr G. that I wanted to run the New Mexico Half and the Full in November.  He said I might have to do less swimming, but left it open as long as the Nutritionist was aware of it.  So once I got my head on straight I emailed her and got this response:

thanks for the update. Nutritionally you are ok to run as long as you feel consistent in the food plans we have set up..
And yes you are right, the plan is carb/pro before run, 3 meals, 1 carb/pro as a snack, and honoring any hunger in between…
Keep me posted and feel free to contact me with any more questions..

Sooo, the good news is that I CAN train. 

Of course, I feel so lousy I am not training that well, but possibly If I can figure out how to conquer the can of worms I have opened, I might be training better.  I am having some left shin pain, point tenderness, which is reminiscent of a stress fracture.  Due to the disordered eating, my bones aren't extremely strong, so We'll see how this all pans out.

I'm extremely tempted to simply quit.  I keep telling myself that it's early in this game, so I'll give it another week or two and see how things go…..  


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7 thoughts on “Exhaustion

  1. Weird that the observer was there.. whenever that happens to me, at least they ask me if I'm cool with having an observer.
    I was going to say "Don't quit!", but you have to listen to your body, too. Wait-and-see is always a good option. :O)

  2. Always keep going. Best thing to do would be to go back over your logs and figure out what best worked for you in the past. For me there has never been a magical answer. It is the challenge of figuring out what works best for you. Hang in there.

  3. Thanks Dutterman. For the moment I have no choice about what I eat…I can choose the foods, but not the combonations it'[s always whats on the plan. If I deviate off the plan, somehow the plug will be pulled on running….But so far I do have a bit more energy, so I keep putting my trust in my dynamo team……

  4. Katie – don't quit… taking this step to get advice and help was a big (and very brave) one to take. If you follow it through, you will see the results. If you don't, you'll never move forward, and you'll always wonder if it was because you didn't stick with it.
    I know it's hard to deal with, but read back at those entries you wrote when you were feeling really good about it all (when you conquered those hills!) – it IS all worth it, you just need to remind yourself of that – it's all too easy to just remember the bad stuff.

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