Sorry no photos for this one….
Everything lately has been so messy.
I am not running. I can't run. I have some trouble walking without pain. I need to go back to the Podiatrist, but, I am not very hopeful that they can fix anything without the surgery they suggest. I can't take 8 weeks off to recover. and the risk of them removing and re-attaching the achilles tendon to me seems frightening.
So, I am dealing with the fact that I am not a runner. It's so so weird. I make most of my friends through running. Running has shaped my day for years. It's shaped my vacation plans, my diet, my reading….etc.
I'm a little confused now as to what to focus on. Talking to some people over at the gym seems to be helping. They are the only people who get how oddly distressing and strange this is for me. Everyone else can't quite get it. It's going to take me some time to figure out how to rearrange things and such.
So thats pretty messed up.
I keep hoping that one day I'll just wake up and the pain will go away. BUt it is a really horrible pain, I can not ignore it away, and I have been pretty good at ignoring lots of other bad pains, the partially torn achilles, the stress fractures…
Ah well. So I am moving into what it means to be a non runner, so far, it's pretty boring.
The work situation has become even more messy. I have not heard from the boss over at the other hospital. Wild rumors have been spreading that I am leaving, and I would dearly love to leave, but indeed, there is no offer on the table yet. One of the charge nurses has taken to giving me horrible assignments each day I work with her as punishment. It is a bit unpleasant. I tried to call human resources at the hospital today but they are completely unreachable. I left a message. I filled out a complete application for the hospital I interviewed at a few weeks ago, but nothing yet. I am debating filling out for another hospital. It's the hospital that treated Tiger Woods in his last debacle. (They didn't say it was that hospital, but they showed the hospital, and it has a distinct appearance, so I am sure thats it.) Or I could try to transfer to another hospital within the FL Hosp system. the kicker there is that they only have 11a-11p or 12-12 or night positions. THis seems a little yuck to me, but…Since I am no longer a runner…it might not be so bad. but really I have never liked any shift except days.
and I dont want to add more mess…..
At any rate.
I feel like I have pretty much lost all control. I can't run, I can't seem to switch jobs. People are treating me as if I was already gone…
So I feel a little like:
I know there are many things that make up a person, but the two biggest things for me, the job and the running, are messed up so I feel very messed up.
I hope by tuesday I can get in touch with the right human resource person at the hospital. I hope whatever the decision is that I can accept it either way. I hope that I get over the running and find some other way to not be fat. And I hope that the feeling of hazy mess clears up really really soon.
Because you know that Mr Messy is not so adorable.
and I want to be adorable.