20 miles and misery by the bucket.

Well I ran the big 20 today.  It was awful.. I tell ya, awful.  Horrific, miserable, unpleasant, uncomfortable…etc.

I was alright until about mile 10-14.  By Mile 14, I became really like toast.  My legs hurt.  My neck and shoulders hurt.  I just could not run well, so I kept  jogging a little and walking a little. The worst part of it was that I had done an out and back, sooo, once I was out at Ten miles. I had no real choice except to Go Back.  So Go back I did.  And I continued.  I thought about begging a ride from the bike shop guy, but I don’t know him, I am pretty sure that would have been strange…really.

I am unsure if I want to continue on with Marathon training for this year.  People are really encouraging me to do so, but the people I know better are starting to agree that the agony that I am feeling isn’t worth it.  I can continue to train and possibly in a year, it’s a better way.  But we’ll see.  I am going to do one more 20 miler (yuck!) and see how it goes.  Bugger it all.

On top of that I have been just really annoyed with work drama.  I like where I work.  My Co-workers though are sort of insane.  I am still trying to be friends with the woman who had the mental breakdown.  I find however, that she seems to call me and want to go out and do things 3-4 times a week.  She is a classic can not stand to be alone person.  I just don’t have time in this Holiday craziness, but I want to be supportive.  So there’s that.

The at work yesterday I was told by the charge I could go home at 4 pm, which would have been nice.  Instead I get called in to the Med room by Fakey Blonde Barbie Nurse.    And I mean more like this kind
of Barbie…..not the one below who looks a little bit sharp and put together. 

Apparently Barbies Dad died one year ago and she was having a hard time of it, she tells me all tearfully.  THing is that Nurse Barbie bursts out into tears almost every day I work with her.  Something always has her upset.  SO I am like…Ok go talk to the charge nurse.  I would stay mostly to get her and her tears away from me.  Unfortunately,  I made the error of saying, “I don’t care”  and also the words, “I dont need to hear this”….so now she and a few other people think I am not very nice. I was actually feeling a bit manipulated by her crying and such…and also sort of pushed up against a wall.  On top of that since I rather dislike her on a regular basis this was just too much for me.  Frankly,  I really do not care!   I mean, I do feel for people and dealing with death and loss and grief, and I am sure she was having her issues.  I just think she could have either taken the day off…or called out sick.  I just could not stand the whiney crying she was doing.  I would have much rather worked 3 more hours than had to be so close to that!  Ahh, I am an insensitive soul.  So now one of the Charge nurses won’t return any of my texts, but I think in the end she will get over that.  As it turns out it got a bit busy and no one got to go home.  So now, I will have to deal with the fall out of my insensitivity.  But she really is such a whiney pain in the behind.   And I am apparently not sensitive.

So Joy reigns in my life this Holiday season!

One more shift.  I hope barbie is working so I can try to apologize to her.  It’s not going to go well, but I know that I should I just dont want to make it worse!

I hope Xmas is better.  I did pick up my new shoes today.  Early gift.


8 thoughts on “20 miles and misery by the bucket.

  1. Like I said on FB, you should be proud of doing the 20 regardless of how bad you think it went. You accomplished something you’ve not ever done. And you’ve reached a milestone. Take a break over the holidays and reevaluate what you’d like to do with your running when the “bad run” isn’t so fresh in your mind. If you decide to keep training for a marathon great! If you’d rather that a half is your big distance right now that’s fine too. You can only do what’s right for you. 🙂

    It sounds like you need a break from work. With all of the drama it makes me wonder about the quality of care drama queen nurses are giving! Although I also hear drama stories from my mom when it comes to school teachers. I wonder if the drama has to do with mostly women working together.

  2. Twenty miles is massive! I only do 10k runs so I only have to do one long run every 21 day cycle. It’s a one hour 45 minute run and that’s way long enough for me.

  3. 20 miles is a really long way. I mean, there are days I won’t go out to certain stores because I don’t want to even drive that far. I can’t imagine running it. I’m sorry it was so miserable at the end for you. Running is a really personal thing – I have no desire to ever run a full marathon. To me, the idea just doesn’t even register as a possibility in my head. And not because I don’t think I could, I just don’t want to. I guess my advice would be to try to relax and enjoy your time up north and maybe think about why you are training for it. Is it something _you_ want, or something that you’ve sort of fallen into doing because it seemed like the next thing to do? I’m here to cheer loud and hard for you if it is really something you want, but in my book, I also think it’s perfectly fine to step back from it. 🙂 Either way, I think you’re pretty amazing!

    And I totally relate to the inability to deal with whiny coworkers. At some point enough is enough. I’ve been called insensitive on more than one annual review at work. Hang in there – just one more shift. Yay!!

    Safe travels & merry Christmas!

    • I think Anne…we are not insensitive…we just know about how hard life can be sometimes and some of the personal whine is just too much for us. 🙂 (Of course we are the good ones!)

      I do want to run a Marathon. I just do not think that my base is really built up for the Marathon distance yet. People seem to think if I back down from this one in February that it is the last chance I will ever have. Thats the hard part. I mean, why the heck spend 6 hours completing something that the average runner can do in about 4.

      • Andrew knows that he’s a slow runner. He doesn’t expect to “compete” with other people. He’s really up against himself. He was just happy when he finished his first marathon. And when he ran the 50 miler he came in just before the cutoff and was second to last. But he still felt happy about making it that distance and he said he had fun.

        I’d think that if you keep training and stay healthy that if you don’t run a marathon in February that it doesn’t mean that you’ve missed your chance. You can run one whenever you’re mentally and physically able to. But at the same time if you’re heart’s not going to be in it and it’s not going to be somewhat fun training and running the race then maybe you should reevaluate.

        Have you thought about adding something like biking to your training? Maybe with a variety of cross training (in addition to the swimming) the running part wouldn’t seem like a chore.

  4. Just an update. I did apologize to Nurse Barbie. I feel much better about things, though she is still crazy as a loon, and I am still rather insensitive. Hopefully after the Holidays people will start to become a bit more normal again.

    I cant ride a bike Amanda, I dont know how. But I have added in the Yoga, and it is fun. I’ve never run 20 miles before, so I need to look at that as an accomplishment, but boy…it was tough.

  5. Joe says:

    If you haven’t injured yourself and you’re able to do 20 miles, albeit slowly, I’d say try it anyway. If it makes you feel any better, I thought I was ready and could run my first marathon in 4 to 4:30 hours, but it took me 6 hours to finish it. It took me 3 more marathon attempts to figure out how finish it in under 5 hours.

    Remember: You can do it! 🙂

  6. Sorry to hear that the race was so difficult! I was talking to a friend of mine and fellow runner on New Years Eve. She mentioned that there are certain months when her body just does not want to run. I had never heard of this before but she said everyone has a period of time when their body is just not up to par. She said right now is her time but she knows that it will pass and she’ll be feeling up to it soon. Is it possible (if this is really true) that maybe you are going through this?

    Gosh, sorry to hear about Barbie Nurse. It sounds like you had just had it with her. You’ve had a lot going on yourself with the suicidal friend and then the race and all. I hope it all ended well.

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