Anxious…Insanity takes over.

Wow,  So, my good mood lasted all until, err Friday.

On Friday I had PT.  I also now had my own personal rehab protocol.  I am not really sure what is going on, but I noted after my session that really, my PT is doing many things that just aren’t anywhere on the protocol.  This would be ok with me if:

1: He would explain why its not on the protocol and he wants me to do it.  (Perhaps it is an alternative.)

2: The surgery I had was more familiar to him and all the other staff.  If he had rehabbed 30 people from this surgery, most with good success, I would feel more comfortable with him changing the protocol.

So, after a bit, I got really angry, tearful and frustrated.  I tried to go back and talk to him about it, but he was done for the day and there really was no one else there to talk to.  I talked to my trainer briefly, and that was OK.

It would appear I am a bit behind schedule, which is also OK with me.  People heal differently.  But why he won’t tell me this, just drives me bonkers.

I just felt so confused.  I Just don’t understand why it is so hard for people to sit and explain things.  I just feel so out of the loop.

Anyway I was so sad, I had breakfast with a friend who happens to be a Child Psychiatrist.  I think I now owe him some money.  He was very helpful.  I cried, and was angry.

breakfast was pretty good though.  He and I talked for a long time, and I really need to ask my PT what is going on.  My friend reminded me that I don’t goto PT to please the PT, it’s all about me and my hip.  He is a good PT, but boy,  does he not communicate anything.  Plus, they run up to 3 patients at a time, which means I get 33% of his attention if I am lucky during a session.  (I mean I have a feeling there is more than 1% on his own life. )  The funny thing is, I think if someone were to ask him, he would say he communicates well, and is very clear in his expectations.  Yet, over the past couple of months I have had several experiences of completely not understanding what he wanted, and when I asked a few other people about it, they agreed that it was unclear.

*Best example:  Pool running.  He told me to pool run prior to surgery, so I did exactly what Pool running is generally considered by most runners.   He THEN after I did it, told me he had wanted me to do running in the shallow end of the pool…this is not what is generally considered Pool running.  I talked to the Manager about that 2 months ago and she agreed.  It’s frustrating to go and try to do something and then be told it is not correct.  It would have taken him at most 50 more seconds to say, “I want you in the shallow end of the pool with your feet touching the bottom”  but No…. I just got to do it wrong.

So I went from breakfast to the gym feeling just so anxious and irritated.  Sadly, and Insanely, I ran into the Manager of PT.  She is a wonderful person, and I think by now she must despise me.  I would not blame her. Earlier in the week I had to go to her to get my visits cleared up.  Looking back I know it isn’t really the PT’s job to investigate issues with insurance, but the fact that my PT was so casual about the stopping of visits (Even after my doctor entirely freaked out about it.) and did not offer me any alternatives, made me very annoyed.  ESPECIALLY as it took the Mgr oh about 6 minutes to figure it out.  I mentioned to her that I was not going to private pay for sessions if I spent more and more time standing around, which is what happens.  If you don’t have a program, then it’s hard to know what to do next.  At that point she offered to talk to the therapist.  I told her no, please don’t because of my fear of “therapist retaliation!”

Well there she was, poor thing, trying on some shorts in the locker room from the Pro shop.  And I asked her if I could ask her a question.  She said yes.  Now, in retrospect I wish I would have asked her if I could have seen her on Tuesday.  But I was so freaked out and upset.  We talked for a while.  She was very helpful. She again offered a switch to a different therapist.  I explained to her that I think my therapist is good, and that the experiences I have had with some of them, (constant referral to my knee surgery which I am still wondering where that came from!) did not make me want to switch.  She then sort of talked about how Labrum science is still new, and blah blah.  In the end she did say she was going to talk with my PT about giving me more feedback and working me through a session.  I wish I could have stayed with her for therapy.  She always set such clear expectations for things, and told me what the next step was that I could take if I was feeling stronger etc.

Wow,  My Anxiety got so out of control.  I still can not believe I did that.  I have a strong personal ethics rule which is to not ask people work related questions unless they are AT WORK.  But yet…I plead temporary insanity.  I hope she forgives me.

I’ve just become “the difficult patient”  Wow.

NO PT til Wednesday due to the Holiday weekend.

** ON a “side note” but very related….

My Hip is feeling much much stronger and better.  I am moving myself forwards as best I can. I had a “huge”  day of work yesterday and expected my hip to be killing me today.  Nope.  Mild mild discomfort, at times I dont even see it as pain.  Hope that continues.

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7 thoughts on “Anxious…Insanity takes over.

  1. *hugs* This must be so frustrating, mizunogirl.

    I agree with your friend- talk to your PT. Like you said, he may not realize what he is/isn’t doing right.

  2. I keep hearing you say you’re upset about the PT’s care and attention towards you, but “he is a good PT.” Are you sure you’re not apologizing for him? Or trying to justify your continuing to see him?

    I guess I’m concerned when you say you have a fear of “therapist retaliation.” I don’t think you should have to worry about that, especially if the PT was professional and compassionate in his conduct. Something just doesn’t sound right here. Yes, you should talk to the PT, preferably before he starts his session with you. You should be able to be frank with him and not have to worry about being hurt by him, either.

    Maybe I’m reading too much into your post: but I think about the number of times I was upset about a physician’s or other medical professional’s behavior but didn’t call them on it because I’m used to giving in to authority figures and being overly generous about forgiving people for their actions, however damaging they were. It saddens me to hear you are so upset over your post-op care, and I hope it gets better this week.

    • You know, if I could switch back to her, I would in a heart beat. The other two are fine but I can tell not any better than my guy.

      The other thing I have to keep in mind is that I am very anxious. This tends to interfere with my ability to actually “Hear” what people tell me. So, sometimes I miss things, and in this case, I am just tightly wound. This is not the therapists fault, and it is difficult to work with someone who has such a high level of anxiety. So, I may have the perception of him “not telling me anything” when he has actually been talking to me and I have been missing it. So, since he is a little bit of a poor communicator, and I am not that great to listen well…it’s an odd combination.

      One good thing is that I seem to be having FINALLY very little pain. I find I am walking around trying to figure out if what I am feeling is pain or not. Well, like many things, I figure if I have to ask about pain, I probably am not having it!!!!

  3. I don’t think you should worry about asking questions to people that aren’t on the clock or becoming the “difficult patient”. You seem to have had some legit concerns that needed answers and by asking you got them. 🙂 I’m glad you are feeling better and continue to be on the mend.

    • THanks Akamonsoon. I hope things are alright on your end.

      I still feel bad about losing my mind, tomorrow is my PT appointment, and I am a little nervous about how to interact with my PT, but at the same time I am looking forward to it, as my hip is still feeling pretty good!

  4. It’s a frustrating and anxious time for you and you need reassurance from those treating you. I went to the same PT practise for both my foot and then when I broke my shoulder – I had two different therapists because they specialized in different body bits. There was a big difference between the two ladies and their approach to giving me information. My foot lady was fantastic – explained everything I was doing and what it was doing to which tendons/ligaments/muscles – she’d even whip out a picture of a foot and point things out. Even when there were a couple of us at the same time I always felt I was getting attention. With my shoulder lady I felt a bit like you do about your therapist – she’d have 2 or 3 of us doing different things at the same time and there’d be quite a bit of down time while I waited for her to come back and set me up on the next thing or write her notes. I was lucky that another patient started a week after me and we were pretty well matched in “abilities” – it was nice to have her to talk to about what we were feeling and how we were progressing as I didn’t feel I was getting feedback from the therapist. (sorry for the ramble here!). I hope Wednesday goes well.

    • Not rambling at all! I love comments and feedback! I do feel better reading about others experiences as well.

      I sure hope tomorrow goes well too!
      Either way, i am progressing as I am no longer in so much pain!

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