Saw the new PT on Friday.
It was a bit difficult because each time I walk into that area I start to feel angry. I had no idea how actually upset I was by the whole PT experience. ANYWAY. I have not really figured out how to deal with it, if I just need time or something, I feel sort of emotionally battered from the whole thing. SOrt of anger, disappointment and confusion mixed into one feeling. When you have had a disappointment that creates such anger, how do you deal with it?
Chris the new PT is a nice person. He did a really thorough evaluation, much more so than actually any other one I have had at that place. He was a little odd in a few ways. At one point he told me about the pains he was dealing with in his right leg that have been going on for a long time. I know that the message was that some pains can not be gotten rid of, but, I really believe at this point that most of my pain can go. Plus, if he wants to live with pain, that is his prerogative. I was also especially whiney, probably because my pain had actually gotten rather out of control. He then told me that I had mentioned running several times. DUH! He said I should not think about running right now, and just concentrate on the small things to do for the weakness and pain now. I think his one piece of advice was great though. He said sometimes we get so focused on the Big Goal that we can not focus on the things we need to do in the now, and thus the Big Goal, never happens. This is probably true for a lot of things in life.
So I dedicate this song (ha ha) to my new shoes, in the box….
He poked around and prodded the areas where I have been having a ton of pain. I winced around. he finally asked if I had seen “someone like Mona” for the hip. I of course have not, I had been trying to foam roll out the whole leg. He said he really thought I’d have better luck having a person do it, and a person who does only that…ie: not PT.
He then did a bunch of measuring and bending me and watching me walk etc. He concluded by saying he saw mostly that I have weakness to the hip and that there is a failure to fully extend my left hip when walking. He said he would “type up the eval” (good thing, his handwriting is like chicken scratch!) and they would call me for appointments.
I wanted something I could do but he said he really couldn’t tell me. Soo frustrating!
I then went and swam for an hour. I was relieved that he found nothing new and strange, and I was also quite annoyed about having been allowed to run when the hip really was too weak to support it.
After that, I was sitting at home and feeling just miserable. and the light dawned.
I really did need to call Mona. My old therapist had mentioned massage, but it is funny, he did it in a way that was very off hand. When I asked who he suggested he just sort of said, Look in the phone book….so I sort of dismissed the idea. I also was thinking that if I walked into Massage Envy with my left leg all jacked up that they wouldn’t really get it and they might mess things up more. My other fear was that frankly, I could barely stand 10 min of the work at PT how could I stand an hour of it. On top of that, I was so deep down disgusted with the therapist, that I found it hard to even listen to him. I do wish in this case, he had reminded me of Mona. I knew one other person who uses Mona, so I tried to contact her through Facebook. ANd finally ended up calling where she works and talking to her husband who graciously gave me her number.
I don’t know exactly why, either I sounded pathetic, or I used Chris’ name, but she told me to come over any time that day. So I zipped on over. and she went right to work. She grinned when I showed her the scars, and started to tell me she had had one other client who had the same surgery. And I grinned back, and said, “Tyson!” I chatted with her and one of the other workers for a while about my love of Track and Field. Both of them are from the Caribbean (Hatian I believe), and one said, “OK, you are the only American I’ve met who really likes Track!” I do follow a lot of the Athletes…Lopez Lomong, and Nickel Ashmeade and I guess because I actually knew their names and specialties, I was now in good with Mona. That and the fact that she found out I know almost everyone else she massages.
When I saw the room I got a little freaked out, it was painted in a dark red. I see colors when I have pain. low pain is sort of yellow-ish, progressing into orange and then into a deep dull red for unbearable stuff….it was appropriately colored. Just Curious: How do YOU perceive pain, do you feel it numerically, or in colored tones, or how do you experience the sensation of pain?
Let me just say, She told me it would not be fun. She was oh so very correct. She also told me before she started that no matter what I said, she was not planning on stopping. She did only a half an hour, which felt like an hour and a half. I begged her so many times to stop. She smiled at me and said very nicely “But I love you! I want you to get better! I’m going to keep at it!” Because of her experience with Tyson, I felt very confident that she would not mess anything up. But I did howl and yell the entire time! She explained each of the muscles, and if I told her this or that especially hurt, she found the cause and obliterated it. By the time she was done with me I could barely walk. I felt completely limp and sort of dazed. On the way out the door she told me to go get 20 pounds of ice and do an ice bath and drink 2 litres of water. I said, “I dont think I want to do that” and she looked at me and said, “You have to.” Funny how putting it that way, made me automatically go buy 20 pounds of ice and hop into the tub. Being a girl though, I took an iced bubble bath!
I used peppermint bubbles which were rather nice. and I sat in there and drank my 2 liters of water. I then fell asleep and promptly slept for about 16 hours. I woke up still feeling fairly good. Mona, unlike my PT, managed to not give me any bruises despite all the pain she caused. My gait is pretty much straightened out and I feel like my leg extends fully now. I do still have pain, which is nagging and annoying. It feels like there is something that wants to be stretched out, and I can not find it to stretch it! Mona told me that if I had seen her earlier I would not be in this much pain. I will be visiting her house of pain again in the coming week. I am oddly looking forward to it. Firstly, I like her as a person, and secondly, she seems to like me and want things to go well.
After the shock of the massage, I had sort of a tough day today. I felt better so I went to the gym and tried to do some exercises that I know will strengthen my hip. I was able to do some, and some others caused a lot of pain. So I did what I could. I tried to focus on the things I can do to strengthen the hip, but I am now afraid to hurt the hip so its a very delicate balance. I thought a lot about God’s plan for me and my hip. In my mind God wants me to take care of the body he gave me. And Frankly speaking, God wants us to be happy. Miserable Christians really doesn’t bear any good witness to the goodness of Christ. Still, Coveting is one of the big no-no’s in Christian life. I’m so torn on this, because usually coveting is wanting an object that belongs to someone else. It is a strong desire, which will take over a person and invite them to participate in evil to obtain the object they desire. I’m sure I will not be committing robbery for running, nor will I be having an affair. But, I do tend to focus on the run quite a bit…it’s not just a way to keep the body in shape for me. It is a way to meet people, socialize, to enjoy being outside, and on longer runs I often have some time for prayer and meditation…though on extremely longer runs, I tend to start to have one prayer, “Please God let me finish!” I do wonder why I am having now a bit of a tough time getting back on the running horse. I’ve done all the work asked, and have made a lot of progress…but I am not there yet. I don’t think this is to teach me patience, or any of the usuals. I think there is a very specific message in here for me. I just can not find it. Yet. I suppose when it becomes clear, I’ll be jogging along….
I am not supposed to think about running, but I am toning all my goals down and thinking seriously that my return to the race world may be a 5K in late December. Whoo Hooo. Maybe God wants me to learn to LOVE the 5K distance?