Had a Bad Day…..

Wow did I ever have a bad day.


Really.  It started out alright.

I got up at 4:30 am to go and ride the stationary with my friend.  We always have a good time.

I then took a nap…had a bad nightmare and got ready to go back to the gym.

I was actually feeling pretty good.  I think subconciously, I thought I was going to start running again. WHY?  Well I have no idea.  Somehow I made sure to bring my running shoes in to the gym.  And No I did not get to use them.  I do wonder what I was thinking when I packed them so carefully in with everything else.   I used the elliptical and it was still nice, saw lots of people I know and like and enjoyed talking to them.

And then I went into PT.

For some unknown reason PT today was harder than usual. I meant to ask the PT how he thought I was doing….and for a gray thera-band.  I have only a few PT visits left.  It was a busy day, he seemed to have a lot of people he was working with, which was alright, but somehow my question got forgotten by me. Big plus for him, he was able to juggle 3 of us without little pissy me feeling ignored!  My main concern is that when I do start to run again, if I am not in PT, it will be really hard to be sure that my hip is not “sagging”, so I am maybe a bit anxious about that.

He had me do one new exercise which was specifically for pivoting.  It hurt me quite a bit, most things don’t really hurt, but that one did.  I appreciated that we were doing it though because when I pivot at work (which is something I do all the time), it really does cause pain.  It is really nice to know he actually is trying to find things that will help me.  He pointed out that he gets paid to do it.  I refrained from pointing out that the other PT was paid as well, but sucked.

I went back after I had a shower to ask again about the gray theraband.  I know that he knows I want to run, and will let me know when I can do that, so I left that alone, but I couldn’t find him to ask for the band.  So No theraband.  I can probably get one tomorrow, so I don’t know why that irritated me so much. I sure was not going to use it tonight!

I then had a sandwich.  The sandwich may be the highlight of this day.  It was completely normal.  I even allowed myself to eat it with a little mayonaise.

And then I had to go and see Mona.

Mona was in a rare mood today, or I was in a rare mood (probably the latter)  She really tore up my back, and tried very hard to free up the problems with my left quad or what not.  I cried quite a bit. She then worked on my feet which she felt like were all swollen….and that hurt like a mother.  I told her I was frustrated about not doing any running.

I really am just irritable. The nightmares that I am now having a lot are most likely related to no running, though it’s hard to tell. I feel like I am not really making any progress, and no one really tells me too much.  I am of course someone who needs reassurance and most people aren’t really into providing that. I know it’s a weakness of mine, but really…a little reassurance goes a long way.

I am also still angry because I feel like if I had started this all with “New PT” back in May/June that I would be done Rehab, and running ~ saving me a lot of cash and aggravation.  Mona agreed with that.  Mona thinks maybe I could start jogging a little, but of course she is not the one to give the running pass.  She then sort of freaked me out saying she was going to call the PT and ask him.   I told her not to, because of course, he knows I want to run, if I am able to he will let me know.   But you know, Mona has a pretty stubborn mind.  So she probably will and that will irritate the PT more.  I don’t want to irritate the PT, he is 100% better than the old PT.

AND  In the end Mona ended up doing  This:

As I dont have very good mobility that way.  I have to come back on thursday for 15 minutes so she can do that again.

It hurts.  Everything hurts.  And it seems if everything is going to hurt so much…at least I could start to do a little light jogging.

I am left wondering when this waking nightmare will ever end!  I am getting to feeling pretty worn down.  My hip feels good, but it does me no good if it will not carry out that one basic function…


6 thoughts on “Had a Bad Day…..

  1. I’m sorry everything seems so frustrating at the moment and that you are plagued with nightmares. I hope that you get “permission” to start running soon. At least your sandwich looked nice – I like lunches like that.

  2. It sounds like you’re extremely anxious about never running again. I can’t believe that’ll be the case, but maybe you need to sit with your doctor and make sure he understands that’s your primary goal now. Doctors can be so obtuse about a patient’s fearfulness and anxiety: I once had to burst into tears and sob in my doctor’s office to get her to understand how much pain I was in and how a heating pad and ibuprofen wasn’t going to cut it. She finally wrote out a prescription for physical therapy and a stronger painkiller; but I normally hate losing it like that even if it’s to get treatment.

    I hope tomorrow is a much better day for you. And yeah, add a little mayonnaise to your sandwich again!

  3. Emmy says:

    Oh, napmares are the worst! Of course you’re frustrated, those of us who run know that it’s the miracle cure for stress and insomnia. Is there any way to get a second opinion from a doctor or other PT? Good luck, and I’ll send you some “running vibes” in hopes that you’re out there again asap.

  4. I’m so sorry that you are going through this. It sounds like a long drawn out process on the way to recovery. I hope that someone will be able to tell you something soon so that you will have an idea on how you are progressing. Do they chart things so that you can go back and see?

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