It has been QUITE a roller coaster week for me.
I don’t really know how to explain it, but I seem to be more of a Diurnal person than one might originally imagine. When the sun was going down here at 7:45 pm..I would find myself going to sleep at about 8:00-8:30 pm. Seems early and it is, but I get up at 4 am so it was no problem.
NOW…the sun is staying out until the artificial time of 8:30ish…and I am staying up past that and not able to sleep well. Enter exhaustion.
On top of the being tried from sleep issues created by the government (LOL). I have worked a very odd schedule since coming off my vacation. So that has also made me very very tired. So I am trying very hard to get back on schedule. My inability to sleep well has lead me to move around all sorts of things in hopes that I will sleep later. I usually don’t though, so now I am just doing stuff later….while being still tired. This is especially affecting my running because well, I live in Florida, and it is Mid March and it’s in the 80’s. So I need to either get up and run, or wait til the sun is almost down. I usually get up and run early, but since I have not been sleeping, it looks like it is going to have to be later.
I’m kind of a creature of habit so all that is disrupting my sense of normalcy. I think I need to put on some big girl panties and go for it.
So on top of all of that….I had been working on getting to know a very nice man who I had met some time ago when I was living out west. I felt that I had finally gotten to know him well enough and was planning a trip to combine a race (yaaay) and spending some time with him. I was feeling pretty confident…and then I discovered he was actually interested in someone (or several someones) else. Actually he is not uninterested in me, but it seems he is interested in so many people, that well….I am not interested. This all happened on Monday and Tuesday this week. It was not the end of the world but it did not feel good. I essentially felt like I had wasted a lot of time for nothing. I was surprised at how much this drained me and so all of my runs this week were shorter than I anticipated and pretty slow. I was of course tired….and also a little sad…it’s not fun to feel hurt. I actually started to feel very annoyed because I have been training well, and I was so angry!
SO, not only do I feel rejected, my training is now lacking oomph, and I can not sleep. Adding to the insomnia is the fact that now I have “things to mull over” while trying to sleep!!!!!
On Wednesday we had a work meeting. I was still licking all of my wounds. I am a fairly practical person, and I know that this is part of life, but it does take time to get over things. So I ran into the meeting from the gym…all sweaty and feeling super annoyed…and things changed.
Firstly we sat through a terribly long meeting about this and that and the other thing. It boiled down to “Be nice to you patients, remember they are anxious, collect samples like you are supposed to, not like you are doing, fill forms out properly…and such.” I was kind of “comforting” myself from my rejection by texting a friend about some running plans…and so when I thought we had reached the natural end of the meeting, I kind of jumped up. First.
Ooops. My Manager totally gave me this look….and so I kind of laughed and said, “Oh I will sit right back down!” She laughed and said well, I just need to talk to you and thats why I was looking at you. Meeting was soon adjourned and so I was waiting for the inevitable… “Do you remember a patient…” never good.
She asked me if I was still interested in infection control. We have recently had a new Infection control nurse hired, so I said, “Yes I am and how is XXX” the new nurse doing. Well. XXX has quit. Apparently we are a difficult work environment. The hospital has decided it might be possible to “grow your own” Infection Control Nurse. My Manager suggested me and has been instrumental in getting me an interview. This cheered me up quite a bit and gave me something else to focus on other than the recent feeling of total rejection!
Of course NOW, I am running around because this interview is not like the normal nursing interview where they simply check if you have a unencumbered license, don’t have lice, and can kind of do your job. It’s an interview where I should you know, wear a suit and say intelligent things. SOOOOO….how’s my schedule? Kind of messed up! So now when I can not sleep, I have so much fuel for the can not sleep fire from the man problem to the job interview…. and running…..
I got my new plan last night, it’s tougher than anything I have ever attempted before. In fact I am actually intimidated completely by the Pace Per Mile set by the coach. It is too fast. but he said to just try it out. I had big plans to do that this morning…instead I met a friend at the gym at 5 am and fooled around on the bike and elliptical. then I went home and tried to sleep some more…no go. So now, it’s about 78 degrees and very hot and sunny. I have to go into work for 4 hours…and then I will make an attempt to run a very very fast 4 miles… yikes. i am not really excited about this at all!
Hopefully by next week things will settle some. I will have interviewed and have had success or failure. I will hopefully gottne over the fear of even attempting the new plan, and hopefully I will get 8-10 hours of uninterrupted sleep!