Christmas…

So this year’s Christmas promised to be pretty awful.

I had one day off, and thus no travel permitted, and it is the weekend of what was to be my wonderful Marathon… Not so.

On top of it, I have stress from the new job, and in general, just really been feeling BLAH.

I was homesick for the familiarity of my family.  My sister posted a few photos from today and I could see all of the old familiar routines and rituals being played out. I felt left out….even though I sometimes feel funny even when I am there.

I followed the Life Hackers tips on what to do when spending a holiday alone.  Actually I initially had planned on visiting one of the many Florida State Parks, but then as Christmas eve wore on, I realized that this plan was not going to really work like I thought.  Firstly, I had to get the wonder dog into the car, something his 90 pound body does not do totally independently…and my back is still fragile. Secondly, a cool front was rolling in.  I love to run in the cold.  Hike around in the wind and cold?  Yeah no.  I also knew that unless I wanted to drive over 2 hours, ALL of the parks have essentially the same features, so I ditched that idea.

Instead I treated the dog to the early walk, and then I decided to make an attempt to catch up on some housework.  I finally threw out some old couch cushions that I never intended to do anything with but also never got around to carrying to the dumpster.  During that walk, I grinned a little.  The neighbourhood was pretty quiet, and then breaking through the air was a lady on the second floor of the apartments screaming, “You gotta come get me, every time I come here, everything gets so “effed” up.  She went on and on and I felt that at least my family Christmas memories were not that horrible. I also felt kind of relaxed know there was NO CHANCE of that playing out with me today.

family-arguments

I returned to home, decided I was feeling physically pretty good so I charged up my Garmin, and did something Oh So Christmassy.  I cleaned the bathtub.

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It needed to be done.  I also did a lot of dishes and a load of laundry.

I realized I really had no food in the house.  My Bad. Chinese food loomed in my future.

The dog was acting like a crazy dog, so I took him out and decided since I couldn’t go to the gym that I was going to run. I ran 1:1 intervals.  1 minute jogging and 1minute walking. It was dreadfully slow, but it was not walking.  The dog enjoyed it, though after about a half a mile he was ready to sniff the flowers or something.  I felt pretty good but remembering the last time I ran I was pretty sore the next day, so we will see how I feel.

I’m really not over the back injury. I am still scheduled for surgery. I’m just not so sure about how I feel about having the surgery, since I’ve had some improvements.  Prior to December, it was a no brainer. I was in miserable pain.  But somewhere in the first or second week, the pain dissipated, leaving me with some numbness and pain with certain types of movement.

I admit the day was panning out to be OK, but not too fun.  I got several texts from friends wishing me a happy holiday.

All of a sudden I was ragingly hungry.  I decided to go and see if the local Donut King was open as it claimed to be, and then pick up my share of the Chinese food. Donut King…Closed!  When I started thinking about Sesame Chicken I was not too excited, so I headed to IHOP.  Man that place was HOPPING. It was 3 pm and the place was PACKED.  I ordered a to go order and that is when things started to change a bit for me.  Firstly there were some very fun people coming in and out of the place and as I waited for my order, they joked with me and wished me a Merry Christmas.

Then a group of people left and I was struck by this beautiful girl, using a walking frame to move herself out of the restaurant.

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She wasn’t trying to be any kind of a hero, she was just out enjoying IHOP. A part of me has been feeling a bit of pity and sorriness for my situation. Looking at her, all I could think was, at least I have a chance to get better. My future is uncertain, and while I have been aggravated by that, I do know that I’ve got a shot.  That changed the conversation for me somewhat.  I really wanted to feel so bad for myself that I tried at first to play it off saying, “Well, she never could do the things you want to do so she has no idea of what she is missing”  But of course that’s not true. She grew up seeing others do things with ease that are clearly difficult for her.

So There was my Christmas Blessing.  The first is that I am healed enough to move myself around independently, and am not in the excruciating pain I was in.  The second was that I do have a chance to get much better, with or without surgery…I have that chance.

Leaving you all with the wish of a Very Happy Christmas for you all!!!!  I surely hope that next year is not like this year, but this was not as bad as it could have been!!!

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4 thoughts on “Christmas…

  1. It really goes to show that if we change our thinking we can change our lives. And hey, you get that superior feeling from having a clean house! It is good people like you working in the backgrounds of our hospitals that allow others to have the happy Christmas gatherings that we do. Thank you.

  2. A really inspiring post! Thanks for that. Back pain is so so awful. Several dear friends have suffered for a year or two, gone through all the therapies and finally surgery. And every single one of them is feeling great today!
    So, it may take time, but you will get back to feeling good. Keep up that great attitude!

    • It really has been a game changer the back thing! Usually I’m able to modify and continue to maintain fitness but this time, I lost t all and the rebuilding is very interesting. I do feel pretty good, but we’ll see what this week brings. Thanks! Hope you had a lovely holiday!

  3. yagerline says:

    I’m glad you see the good things in life, especially when things don’t go well. It would be easy to focus on the bad things… it takes something extra to see the good in all things. Hope your 2015 is better, but I’m sure it will be. Thanks for sharing.

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