Not so Thrilled

So I’m Post Operative Day 5.  Everything seems to be going well, except for the toes numbness.

Now.  There is nothing I can do about it.  I noted in the hospital the first time I got up as I was traversing the halls that my toes were getting numb.  I asked the Physical Therapist if I should be concerned, and she said, Not at all, that I would be feeling different sensations for days after.

I asked the PA about it.  He said he wasn’t concerned.

On Wednesday, post operative day 2 I called the office and asked about it again.  The PA again called me back and said it wasn’t a big deal.

It bothers me because everyone else who has had this surgery had not had persistent symptoms after the procedure.  They have had tingling and burning in their legs, but not numbness that increases with walking.

So my anxiety level is up because it does go away when I’ve been laying flat for a few hours.  So it seems to me something is still compressing the nerve when I am walking.

But, since no one else is alarmed, there is nothing I can do.  It is a strange feeling of being completely out of control of what is happening to ones body.

So I’m stuck, since no one is going to be concerned about it, I shouldn’t be either because there is Nothing that can be done.  Even if I were to call daily, all I am going to hear is that this is normal. That frustrates me because I kind of feel it isn’t normal.  I was told I would have significant relief from my symptoms, and the one symptom that drove me nuts, remains.

I think I can get used to it, if it doesn’t progress as I progress.  I mean, if it gets crazy worse when I am running in 6 months that is going to be terrible, if it just stays kind of numb like now, then I will live with it just fine.

Kind of a waiting game now.

It’s a little bit hard not to feel dejected, because recovery time is after all, a lot of time alone, laying around. Hoping against hope that things will improve.

I am going to drive myself to the gym today and try to use a plastic bag and the walk in shower to get feeling really really clean.  I suppose that can help.

Mostly I feel tired and a little bit anxious, all I can do is wait for the Post Operative Follow up appointment on Thursday or Friday.

And then Next Monday I return to work, where I shall at least be somewhat distracted from the persistent thoughts.

I would not even mind going through the surgery again, if it would take the numbness away…

But I am reminded of this, posted by a friend who has severe back issues…

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The numb toes are just an obstacle.  They don’t hurt.  As long as they do not prevent me from becoming active again, then I will just have to get used to them.  I mean really.  That’s what I can do.

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5 thoughts on “Not so Thrilled

  1. Holly, it is frustrating not to be at the healing level we feel like we should be. I am disappointed not to be able to go to the Mount Dora Art Festival on such a beautiful day. I suppose it’s only been 5 days but it’s hard not to want instant relief. We need to rest & heal, for busy people like us it is one of the hardest things to do. Hang in there, healing thoughts & prayers for you!

  2. Hey, sorry to hear about how you’re doing. I haven’t blogged myself or even commented on anyone’s blogs lately (even though I still occasionally read them) because honestly I’ve been pretty discouraged and dejected myself. I was diagnosed with seronegative rheumatoid arthritis last summer. I haven’t run for over a year and have gained 20 lbs. Prednisone totally sucks. It sucks even more to wake up some mornings in more pain and feeling more tired than I ever did after I ran 50 miles. I’m no stranger to fatigue and pain- if it is “earned” after going long in the mountains, I don’t even mind it as it comes with the territory. But feeling this way for no reason other than my own body turning on itself is very frustrating. I’m beginning to realize that my days of running ultramarathons may be over; I would be so extremely grateful if I could even run a 5k or half marathon again. We never know what life will throw at us, do we? Anyway, hang in there. You are correct, sometimes we have no choice but to accept our situation and do the best we can. Best of luck, feel better, and take care. Tom

    • What a nice surprise to see this from you Tom. and My condolences for your situation. It’s awful, and yes the idea of just running again. When I thought i was healed (by steroids…) I was able to run about 1-2 miles on a treadmill and I was just thrilled, I felt like a champion. How is everything else going? Are you able to fiddle? It really is just pretty awful, especially someone like you, who knows quite a bit about what’s going on. Wishing you peace and physical comfort.

  3. When I was undergoing physical therapy after my back injury, my PT warned me that my recovery wasn’t going to be “miraculous” and I would probably have issues with my back for the rest of my life. I will say I felt a lot better after I completed my therapy regimen, but I may never be able to a number of things I used to do prior to being injured.

    I think the hardest thing was accepting that I’ll never be 25 and agile as a gazelle again. (Not that I ever was, but I bounced back a lot faster from hits and hurts.) Physical injury is a reminder that we’re mortal—the “OMG I’m getting old” sign waving in your face. I hope you’ll make a full recovery, but do be patient with yourself and your body. You need to remember to be kind to yourself, too. 🙂

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